Show Your Kids The Emoji Movie, Not Coco

In today's entitled culture, kids have come to expect that everyone will put forth effort to give them things.  They expect nothing but the best.  We have conditioned them to expect that we will give them intelligent, funny, well-animated movies with everything from Dreamworks to Pixar.  Illumination kind of gets that we need to be more lazy to teach the kids a lesson, but they haven't gone full retard yet, although Minions came dangerously close.

But one movie has come out this year that is so devoid of talent, creativity, effort, or humor, that it takes the prize as one of the best animated films of all time, in regards to what kids need.  

Not only do kids need to know they don't deserve the best, but they need the message contained within this movie.  The message is to always be yourself...unless you're a princess, in which case, be a princess.  Kids haven't seen this same message done a million times before in better movies.  Inside Out?  That movie's to complex and emotional to be good for kids.  The Lego Movie?  What, do you want your kids to be communist now or something?  Wreck-It Ralph?  No, video games lead kids to violence, damn it!  The only way to teach kids a lesson like this is in the most innocuous, childproof, flavorless way possible so as not to confuse their fragile brains and give them potentially harmful ideas.

What's that you say?  You heard there's a much better animated movie out this year?

No, absolutely not!  Coco is the most harmful sort of smut you could ever show to your kids.  Don't let the fact that it's about the importance of your family, while the other one is about the importance of your damn phone fool you.  As a Christian, this movie offends me because the theology of its undead world is completely contrary to what I believe in.  Kids won't get that it's just a device for the story and that Pixar invents worlds all the time.  Kids are dumb remember, and we must keep from anything that might even mildly challenge them.  And like I said, this one has effort.  The voice acting is too good and the animation too beautiful to be a good kids movie.  

So, hopefully you've taken my advice to heart and will make the right decisions for your child.  And if even one reader is influenced to watch The Emoji Movie because of me, I'm going to have to go jump off a cliff and die...I mean pat myself on the back for making someone's life so much better!!!!